We're Good People

let me state this.
this blog is not supposed to piss anyone off.
it is merely a reflection on a thought of mine.
if you are offended.
feel free to yell at me.

what defines good?
and what is a good person?
well, i'm going to ignore the philosophical questions
and only question why people say my friends and I are good people.
to me this makes no sense.
are we just better than other people?
from your perspective maybe.
but my friends are
Depressed Heart-breakers to sad to realize what they've got.
Narcissists who can get to angry for their own good.
Controlling Perfectionists who are buried in guilt and insecurities.
Anxiety ridden who can't express emotions so they bury it inside of them.
Druggies.
Sex Addicts.
Liars.
and i'm not excluding myself.
An apathetic suicidal kid who is so disenchanted with life to care about anything in the world, while barely believing he exists, who is unable to do anything productive with life because he's to set on the future being the future. but in reality he's just scared to death.

but.
in the end.
we are considered good people.
damn we have everyone fooled.

2 out of 3 ain't bad.

The bitter sadness that weeps within a soul without a fate hungers for control.

Future

i don't to anyone about my plans for the future.
because i don't want to deal with their views on them.
let me live my life.
i'll make something that I want to make out of it.
okay?
ok.
now leave me be.

I Hate The Days That Come And Go

sometimes.
you wake up hating everything.
and the only remedy is giving your day up to nothingness.

Attack Attack!

i don't understand why people give this band so much such shit.
they're good at what they do.
REALLY GOOD.
yes they're not the most hardcore band out there.
yes their video might be to "hardcore" or whatever.
but who cares?
they make good music.
ORIGINAL MUSIC.
and they did it well.
yes it's screamo, borderline "hardcore", they have heavy electronic influences.
but so what??
it's freaking music.
just because you don't like it doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it.
so i don't care if i'm a fag or whatever.
i'm going to listen to whoever and whatever i damn well please.

Turn And SHOOT.

life sometimes.
makes you turn and shoot.

whatever that means...
just think about it.

Sleepless Days

People should listen to Aly & AJ ;)
They're good.
Pop rock and fun.
But in the relevant world I don't sleep at night anymore. But oh well.
Also I changed the title of the blog to
Live The Fool, Die A Hero.
mostly because of romanticized pictures in my mind. About stories where the person deemed foolish and disregarded sacrifice themselves for their cause or whatever the case is.
And I feel that I relate in my own little ways.
The end

Why aren't you here
Why are you here
I can't decide
Where I want you
Who I want you
How I want you
Will I want you
After tonight
I'm feeling empty
Empty feelings
Are the same
Aren't the same
As one plus one
That's how I feel
I want to be alone
But I want to see you
Hear you, feel you
You're something in my head
That you're not outside
or so it seems
There's nothing to this
That hasn't been said
By someone greater than I
in a myth about a girl
Who had to much to watch out for
And let it all out
HOPE IS GONE
HOPE IS LOST
Or is it now
just something more to look for
Just something more to cry for
Like my eyes bled
I'm hiding now
From a darkness so unattainable
I've lost it now
before a light so heavenly
I don't understand a thing
please let me understand
I WANT TO UNDERSTAND
I WANT TO FEEL
Like a whore who rules the world
Like a politician who fucks the world
Like a dead man smiling
I'm smiling
For you
Just please
Let me be
insane
Or am I sane
or is sanity undefinable
Like love
At least my love
is a poison
Hurting me and you
Like the stem of a rose
I don't want to be grabbed
No I just want to be admired
Like a silhouette on fire
No fuck that I want to be grabbed
And shakedown to the ground
I DON'T WANT TO BE FREE
Release me
And leave me be.
PLEASE BERATE ME
PLEASE BESEECH ME E
WHY DON'T YOU
HOW COULD YOU
WANT ME TO
WITH ME TO
WISH I WAS
COULD HAVE BEEN
LEAVE ME BE
LEAVE ME BE
LEAVE ME BE
LEAVE ME BE
LET ME BE
LET ME BE
LET ME BE
LET ME BE
I'm afraid
To be alone

Broken eyelids

days you don't want to be alive
are the longest of them all.

sorrow comes in more forms then one
as regret and guilt grudgingly grip me into my slumber.

Wasted

I think part of me.
Is determined to be a waste of potential.
And I really don't mind.
I just wish life was as lazy as I was.

Sunday.

Sundays are the worst day of every week. People complain about Mondays all the time, but Sundays are days of endless boredom and constant dread. Nothing good ever happens on Sundays.
Goodnight World That Decides To Monitor The Theory Of A Constantly Changing Called Time That We Decide To Base Our Lives Around, Despite It Being Completely Relative, Because We As Mankind Just Have To Obtain Some Semblance Of Pseudo-Order.

Our love's a perfect crime.

The sky is beautiful and so are you.

Won't you lay in my bed all night?

I just wish I had an answer,

because being alone is the same as being unknown.

"I WASN'T MADE FOR THIS WORLD!"
It startled him. He wasn't accustomed to hearing much, especially a noise loud enough to shatter glass. He turned around to examine the source of the screech. It was a girl, about 5'6'', pale and petite with lavender eyes and brunette hair. he guessed she was about 17 years old.

Heartless

There's the heartless,
Who have just lost touch with themselves.
Then there's the heartless who never had a heart to begin with.

Moving pictures

There is something good in every film.
Which is why I like every movie I watch.

What is reality.

What is reality?
But a delusion of our mind?
Isn't it just a term that we use to describe everything we perceive to be with our senses?
Well isn't there things we can take/do that would alter what we perceive?
Wouldn't that be our reality then?
Even if no one else could perceive what we perceived?
is reality what one person thinks is reality?
Or is it what the majority believes?
If my reality is different, what then?
What if our reality is a lie?
What if we were all plugged into machines experiencing everything as a simulation?
What if you could wake up?
Would you?
Who's to say that the reality you "wake up" to is a simulation itself?
Would we be able to "wake up" again?
What if there were a series of simulations all devised by a humanity that does not know they are being simulated?
What then, is at the core of it all?
Who is at the end of the rabbit hole?

can i make it out alive?

i believe i'm good at convincing adults that i got a hand on things.
especially regarding the future and college.
but inside, i'm freaking out
and lately,
i am on the outside too.
reality scares me.
and anxiety messes up.

Trapped in a Room Created out of Warped Virtue.

He's exhausted as he turns off the lights above his bed. "Tomorrow is gonna suck" he says to himself and in his head, he knows it's true. His heart though, wants to escape it all as heavy as it feels. Staring out the window he smirks while picturing his dead broken body surrounded by glass and blood on the driveway gravel. "If only" he whispers as he starts to crawl under the covers of his silk black bed. He thinks to himself, not for the first time "if only I could escape" as he begins to dream of the outside world.

It's a Sunday Warning.

"WE CAN CUT OUR EYES OUT,WE CAN CUT OUR EYES OUT,WE CAN CUT OUR EYES!!!"

sometimes.
you don't want to face the future you're heading towards.
you just have to hope you end up seeing what's in your dreams.
not what's in your nightmares.

Count Backwards From 10

sometimes, you're stuck with the outcome you've brought upon yourself.
no matter how much you want to go back.

A Human Melting Pot

i feel as though i have very little originality, that my entire personality is a little bit of everything i love from other thoughts, feelings, and people.
creating this unique combination of a human being's culture.
although. i feel as though this makes me original in a strange way.

Of Montreal.

Of Montreal is probably one of the most talented yet, underrated bands out there.
But i think that's where they belong, in the place they are now, not really famous but with a strong following.
Also i'm pretty sure they'd all be rich if they didn't have 8 members O.o.
After seeing them for my second time, I've decided i love them.
Kevin Barnes' stage presence is amazing, and the constant antics with the all of the dances and everything definitely keeps you entertained, even as you're dancing you're legs off. 
Also.
Fact : The live version of The Past Is A Grotesque Animal = best song I've ever heard live.

Adults.

Every adult i sit down and have a conversation with thinks that i'm intelligent and believe i have what it takes to succeed.
I wish i was that sure.

anger.

is an emotion that pisses me off.
even though, i accept it.

think about the strength of heart.

i think i get it now.
i can do it.

Sometimes We Take Dreams.

SCHOOL. starts in the morning.
and i doubt I'm going to sleep.
excitement and nervous.
mixed with a large portion of apathy.
but i was thinking.
we (mostly) spend all of our summers wrapped up in something or another.
wasting our lives away like we have one.
only to go back to school.
where we continue to waste our lives away "learning"
and by learning i mean cheating the system in hope we can get good grades so we can get somewhere with our "lives".
thus giving everything a point
unless you don't care at all.
because then school becomes even more of a waste of time then wasting your time.
and yay! fun future for all of us.
if i had a point i would of said it already.

so peace out.
i'm ready to waste my night away.

New Blog

i just wanted everyone to know.
that i have a new blog where you can read mostly all of the lyrics i have written.
if that interests you here is the link
http://justamatch.blogspot.com/

1984

Is an amazing book and just as depressing.
But I have concluded a couple of things.

First, politically I'm slightly passionate.
I dislike any imposed authority to the point of anger.
And I hate all things forced onto us.
Whether socially or lawfully.

And in my mind I've decided that at some point all governments will turn negative in some way and impose power over there citizens while destroying our sense of self.

and the only true way to escape this to destroy the governments preemptively (not a word according to my phone) and create an anarchy which despite its flaws is the only way we can avoid a totalitarian government being formed and us being robbed of our humanity and freedom.

Except now the issue is that somewhere someone will try to create a government. And the only way around that would be for there to be a group or society of people in existent who are dedicated to destroying all attempts at forming governments.

Thus creating a force in "power" through fear. And creating a "power" similar to a government and ruining the point of this entire society.

I am going to write a book.

Penguins Are Cute. So Is Death.

Wicked panic attacks before flight.
Sadness about dying alone.
Survived.
Aquariums are cool.
I love penguins.
I want one as a pet.
I also love otters.
Racism angers me.
The civil rights museum was interesting.
But in the end.
I am sad.
I don't do to well on my own.

I feel..

I feel like I'm dying every night
But shhh
don't tell a soul.
I feel like I'm lying every day
But its an art
So its okay.
I feel like I'm tired all the time
But its a sickness
Partially in my mind.
I feel like I'm never good enough
But
I never will be
I feel like I'm supposed to be better
But
I HAVE to be.
I feel like...
I'm sick of living once again
And its my fault for the state I'm in.

Translucent Little Hallucinations.

Occasionally
When I'm really tired or off guard.
I think I see the spiders again.

I'm not sure why anyone reads my blog.
I never have anything relatively relevant to say.

But oh well.
I have begun my solo recording process
Only to have my mic break
So I ended up recording directly to my computer which was annoying since it makes you unable to listen to previously laid tracks which makes it harder to play in sync with yourself.

I need a new mic.
And a new ipod.

In more apathetic news.
I'm having constant pain from the back of my shoulder that builds up everyday from a lil bit of pain to hurting so much I want to chop off my arm.
Its becoming annoying.

Good day sir.
Signing off dead.

Paramore

fucking amazing concert.
My head/neck muscles are so done its hard to keep my head up
My voice is dead
But
It was amazing.
I love live music.
I love hayley williams.
I love Josh Farro.
I love Paramore.

Dance While The Devil Sleeps.

Creativity is my weakness and my only asset.

Pokemon!

lol i love pokemon.
end of story.

Disenchanted

I tend to lean towards those who seem disenchanted with the life around them

Top Ten Bands/Artists

Just a list that will most likely be constantly changing. No order to them.

Slipknot
Bayside
Incubus
Fall Out Boy
Nirvana
The Used
Senses Fail
Lostprophets
Billy Talent
Silversun Pickups

Just barely missing it.

Deadmau5
Taking Back Sunday
Sunny Day Real Estate
Death Cab For Cutie

Also.
I miss my ipod.

Vacation

I've been gone for apx 5 days with no service or internet
But I don't really care to much
I can live
Sure every time I went into town and got all 15 or so of my texts at the same time made me super happy
Especially being able to talk to sarah :)
Buttt no technology doesn't equal death
At least not for me
I wrote like 10 songs and for that I'm happy
Also
I love sailing. I've forgotten that.
I love the ocean. I've missed it.
And I need to do it more.

Stellar

Life is Stellar.
You are Stellar.
Everything is Stellar.

I'm In A Death Cab For A Cutie.

i will possess your heart.
well, i already do.
;)

There's A Fire In The Distance

and my head is spinning.
someone please rip it off?

Girlfriend.

i have a girlfriend now :)
nuff said.

I'm Such A Sucker.

i'm trying my best.
to not be sad.
because no one deserves to have to deal with it.

You've Got Your Gun To My Head.

i'm hoping that nothing happens.
but also,
i'm hoping that everything happens.

Short, Sweet, And To The Point.

i like sarah.
:)

Another Amazing Night.

that makes three of them :)
more then i've had in a longggg time
i think.
i could get used to this.
more so.
i think.
i want to get used to this.
actually.
i know so.
hmm
:)
i think
i have an idea,
possibly :)

My Head Might Be Spinning, And My Heart Just Might Be Racing.

hmmm.
last night and this morning.
was amazing.
and
thats all i have to say about it.

Growing Up

"I dried my eyes now i crust them with sleep. i'll crust them over.
She begged me "dont hate me". she spun me a story
Where winning looks like loosing and i'm winning every time. so thread spools
sweetie, get ready.
Until my silk is sold.

Growing up.
Yeah, i'll find myself a new.

I've dried my eyes. now it's "rushmore". i'm deep with futures like chicago.
Glenview never meant a thing to me, she never meant a thing to me except for putting idealists in body bags.
Forget it, i'll go out tonight and piss on her doorstep
And listen to the misfits "where eagels dare" to swallow whole.

Growing up.
I guess im on my own."


i don't talk to most people about it much, but i'm sure it's pretty obvious how i feel about growing up personally.
i just figured i'd go out and say it
i am deathly afraid of growing up.
why?
theres probably too many reason to think of
so i'll just ignore it for now
and,
i think thats the reason i've been so out of it and depressed lately.
cause we're told we all have to change and grow up.
and if you don't there's no hope for you.
so i guess,
i'm just coming to terms with how fucked i am.

another one.

it makes me sick.
one,two,three,four,five,six,seven,eight.
to many to know.
fuck the previous generation and their failed attempts of upbringing.
maybe.
the reason i dont want to grow up is because,
there's no adult in my life worth looking up to.

I Don't Want To See

the innocence in me.

Please place your bets

i am interested in life at the moment.
let's see what happens?
please place your bets
cause i don't know just what will hit me yet.

Night

Night is my favorite time of the day.
But also the hardest for me to get through.
Probably because I'm all alone..

'Game Over She Said I Got A New Friend'

"and I've been feeling fine....."

I hate how every time something like this happens
I don't want to choose
I don't want to hurt anyone.
But I want to hurt myself because I'm so pathetic.
And now I'm being over dramatic about something that's not a big deal...

I just want life to go away.

Let's pretend, we're not at the end.

hmmm,
i'm waiting until i see a ghost.

happiness.

pain.endorphins.love.

I Found Out The Hard Way, NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS.

r.i.p paul gray.
you have my love wherever you go.

i need to find a way to deal with how this might be the end to slipknot...
i don't know if i can.
:'(
please don't die.
i'm a maggot for a reason.
and The Nine my personal Gods.
<3

I want to be locked back in a dream...
Life is to scary for me to deal with and to hard for me to handle...

17

i guess I get to be 17 for a year
I'm not sure how I feel about that...
Oh well
Not quite time for reflecting on the past just yet

Disconnected.

every person, every living thing in the world is driven by something, but its not always the same thing.
1 human might do something because of curiousity.
1 different human might do the same thing because of fear.
1 human might do something to mearly survive.
the differences in the detail define a person's character.
it doesn't truly matter what action is preformed, only the motive and intentions behind it.
yes the act of killing someone is commonly defined as wrong, as you're taking someones life from them.
but why you did, defines you.
personal character is all that really matters, as long as you know what for and why you do something, it shouldn't matter the outcome.
who you are, why you do the things you do, are the only questions worth discovering, worth knowing.
whether for personal comfort, or some form of after-death religious comfort, or both,
doing things for a reason that you deep down believe is right, not what the world and society think are right, but for what you feel is right, thats how you should be judged, not by a world that can't be can't or won't be sympathetic or even understand your motives.
but alas,
The World Is Disconnected.

Your eyes

I don't want to live this week.
The only present I really want is to see her... =/
Birthdays are overrated.
Time and age are relative.
Goodnight world.
I hate you too.

Missing of a Mindless Trance

i wish i wasn't caught where i am now.
that i was more depressed than i am.
that i could go everyday in that trance i know so well.
instead of getting exicted about things, or actually going out and doing things.
i miss the trance of depression.
and the love of a razorblade.
=/
its fucked up i know.
but its so much sweeter than being aggitated and active all the time.

Pointless Differences

I am neither a Liberal or a Conservative, nor am i an Atheist or a Theist. I am just a man who happens to be an Individualistic Anarchist with Nihilistic thoughts who believes the only one true thing in the world is Chaos.
but then again,
Why Does This Matter?

Chaos.

i was gonna have some long blog about morals and the pointlessness of them even existing because in the long run they have no control over anything that happens in this world.
so we should just continue with our lives and let choas run free.

Almost.

You've come back to me
It was almost easy.
And for now
I'm happy

Stop Giving Up.

i hate the fact that you wont fight yourself.
that you're just going to give up and accept the state you're in.
that pisses me off.
fight it goddammit. fight.
i wont watch you die.

Story Time

soon.
as i think i might finish my story tonight/this morning
and i think i'll post it like everywhere i can.
so when i post it
i hope people will tell me what they think
cause i need the critism/praise
;)
alright well
onward!
btw this is the most pointless post in awhile.
oh wellll

Trying To Forget Everything That Isn't You

i have an intense amount of hate for you at the moment.
its weird to me, to feel real anger... idk why though
and if i saw you,
part of me thinks i'd start a fight with you
but i doubt i really would
well, let's count ourself lucky then...

anywayyyy
im tired of the mini fights i have with my best friend all the time now
its no fun, and slightly depressing =/
i wish i wasnt messed up and i'd live like the normal person
so you could be happy with me and i'd make choices that will help with the future.
but at the moment, i just dont want to live like that
i can't drone myself into a normal routine. =/ sorry.

GOOD NEWS.
i saw her again :)
my super amazingly bestest friend ever ;)
i got to hang out with her from like 1am to 3:30am
being with her for that short amount of time is enough to make me happy for a lonnnnng while :)
oh well
i guess i'll be satisfied being happy for awhile :)

Me and Myself

have grudgingly come to an understanding, which is one where i've come to terms which how much i hate myself. Where i need to get over my stupid melodrama that is me. I need to grow up and get a job and get my license. All the shit that comes with growing up, because who i am now doesnt seem to be enough to survive.
but hey.
to bad i've never listened to me or myself.

A Worm

"I'm a worm with no more chances"

I am a worm
Why?
Cause I'm gross and dirty
But not in a bad way
More in a perfect for me way
I feel comfortable looking like a mess
Also
I'm on the bottom of the food chain
Or just extremely low
But still I persevere and survive
Despite all my short comings
Plus I hurt in the sun and dry up.
I'm a worm
And I'm happy to be crawling through life like one.

"HE, CRAWLS LIKE A WORM"

Black And White.

WEIRD F**KING DAY.
thats all.
..
.
.
..
...
jk.
anyway
bad news
i am going to kill someone
i.e casey.
because of what he did.
i think i might go insane.
anyway
happier note
and good news?
TAYLOR >>
and his crazyness
decided
I HAD
to talk to that girl who works at cumbeys.
and then i had like an 30 minute conversation with her.
:)
amazing.
can i see a future?
i have no idea :p
strange day

"time takes us all away"

My Remedy Will Be The Death Of Me

I think
all my favorite bands
are my favorite bands
because they create this self-destructive aura around me
and i think
i like that

"you'll be the death of me"

Memory

i can see my memories.
and in the end
i could never hate a memory.
just cry over one.
and,
i think it's time,
to let you become a memory..

Did you know?

I want to die.
I'm gonna make a really abstract movie.
And it will start and end with that being said.
I think
For now
I just want to fade away
So let me drown myself in a pool of my own blood
Waiting for the angels to turn me away

Lithium Iron

Lifes fucked.
I know what death looks like
And she's as pretty as hell
But to bad I have a girl to love here on earth
I can't just go cheating on my non existent relationship now can I?
Oh well
Winters out
Sarcasms in
The rivers lovely at night
Also in 90 degree weather daylight
Although even more tempting to swim in
Shark people happen to wear shark clothes
My hat is me
My nails are black
I am at home with myself
Only to renovate constantly
I was in front of people
I was also scared
Amazing people exit stage right
Awesome people find the back door
And strange ones never leave
Random people worry to much
I can lie my way to safety
Only to walk back into danger
I happen to like thin lines
Whatever the color
Especially the ones between opposites
Incubus keeps me happy
Along with alkaline trio
And one day
I think I might go for a midnight swim
For whatever the reason.

But There's Still Tomorrow, Forget The Sorrow

i fail at everything.
i want to do.
i can't sing,
i can barely play guitar,
i can't write anything worthwhile,
i can't ever amount to anything.
and fuck this attitude.
it wont get me anywhere.
but fuck me too
cause i'm sick of fucking myself over.
i hate myself even more cause i let you go.
now i dont have anyone to help me through the weeknights.
cause i'm a fucking idiot.
and now i want to die.
even more so then ever.
i dont deserve life.
i dont deserve anyone.
i dont deserve myself.
please just let me die.
i'm willing and ready.
i'm just not willing to say goodbye.

so i'll just say i'm here for now.

Sex.

Isn't that big of a deal.

Boredom Is Only Slightly Curable.

More times then not
I lose interest in most things
For a long while
And I can't seem to figure out what to do
So?
I just lay there
Where?
It varies.
Currently on the ground in my room.
Letting boredom swallow me whole.
Wasting away for awhile
Why?
Because boredom is permanent
Its always there
So in some radical thought
Why hate it?
Just sometimes we think
"oh, I could do this"
And if we do that
Boom
Boredom solved....for a moment
Yet if you choose not to do that
Then your stuck where you are
And curing boredom comes attached to finding the motivation too.
Its like a math problem I'm to tired to figure out
That involves boredom over motivation equals something or another
Or maybe not.
Solving boredom is the number 1 and possibly only important question that a child constantly tries to figure out.
Do they care about other things like food?
Yes they do
But more often then not
They just want something to do.
To end the boredom.
Thus their life is a continuous problem of getting the motivation to conquer their boredom.
And I believe this quality is what makes a child pure.
Because the answer to the problem of boredom must come from without, while appearing to come from within.

And in the end
"it may not be enough to WANT to end the boredom to bring it to an end"

I am ghost. Forever.

"Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...

Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...

Isn't this what you dreamed about?
Isn't this what you dreamed about?
One more taste from our lips and tongue;
We kissed.
Delicately sketched the seconds,
As they fly past.
Like snowflakes of lost bliss,
They drift like memories.
Isn't this what you dreamed about?
What you dreamed about?
What you wanted?"

Game.

Lifes a game
So take a chance
Roll the dice
Make a bet
Gamble on it if you want
You can break the rules
Cheat, hustle, and all.
Just remember.
Its just your game.
Not theirs.

Motives

Nobody understands why I do and say things 90% of the time
And honestly I don't either
I get people to feel.
Whether for good or bad
Idk
I just like getting emotions out
Why?
I have no idea

When I'm losing someone
I always push them away
Everytime
Why?
No idea
I did it with katie, kyle, taylor, ian, and now brandon...
I'm a great f**king friend alright
And yet
Idk I'm never sad until much later
And then I break down and cry.
And in the end
I just don't know

Desire

"One has desires in order to forget them and thus grow into the future rather than merely repeat ones past."

Arguments and Friends

I get into arguments with everyone
A lot.
Mostly about taking care of myself.
And its true I don't
I don't see a reason to
I don't care for my well being
I think its some sick way of getting back at the people I live for
And I also think that there will come a day
Where it gets so pathetic that people won't be able to stand watching it anymore
And they'll leave
And I don't blame them
And maybe that's what I want to happen
Or maybe I'm just saying I want it to happen so people won't do it
Idk
I just hope they understand when I say
I won't change my ways for any of you.

Sleep

*waves pocket watch in a hypnotizing motion*
Sleep is sleep
An internal hallucination
More like life than nothing
Sleep is when we dream
Dreaming is when this gets complicated.
What qualifys a dream to be a dream?
Maybe we are the dream
Maybe kevin kelley is the dream.
Maybe I'm really what I dreamt I was last time I fell asleep
Or maybe more importantly all of these are the dreams of one singular consciousness that's not me
But not, not me.
More then me actually.
I'm just a piece of who I am
And when I dream
I take form of all the other pieces of collective me
And I think its vice versa too.
I think I'm never myself
I think the pieces of the collective me shift between the other pieces of me at random.

I believe
In waking up,
Yet
I'm not sure,
If
I want to.

Tears of Logical Hate.

a slight overcast of patheticness that lies inside the raining tears of sadness when they realize what is and what isn't and can not be as defined by logic.
=/

:'(
I.L.A.T.E?

LoveFuryPassionEnergy

"so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my passion, so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my love, so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my pure energy, so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my FURY!"
- Lovefurypassionenergy by Boy Hits Car.

Love everything
Have Fury towards everything
Be Passionate towards what you want
And have Energy to spare.

Living is cold.
Death might bring some heat.
Or maybe,
You will.

Btw.
What's real to you
Is just perfect
And what's real to me
Is nothing

And lastly begins in threes.
And here's some tea.

"what does a raven have in common with a writing desk?"

All Forms Of Screaming

Makes me happy.
The end:).

A bomb is just a means to an end

When most people
Think of the future
What do they think of?
What do they see?
Cause when I think about the future
The only future that I can see
Is a future without
Me.

The Fake Sound Of Progress

That describes my life/personality.
Anywho.
I refuse to fill the hole forming in your soul
Let someone else
I'd suffocate.
Also
I really wish life would go away
Its annoying.
All I know
is that if I had one wish
It would be to ride a yoshi.
K? K.

Let it bleed

I might wanna sing

Losing Grip

I think
One thing that people never realize
is that
I've always been suicidal
Since
I was like 4
I remember when I was really young
Putting a knife to my chest wanting to stab myself through my chest
And since idk when
I just stopped caring about myself
And that's what's getting back to me now
With my chronic back/shoulder pains
I never got any calcium cause I just didn't care to treat my body right
My teeth are begining to brittle away to
why?
Cause I drink to much acidic drinks and I hardly brush my teeth cause I just never cared.
What's gonna happen in 10 years?
I honestly don't know
What I do know
Is my shoulder will hurt
And my teeth will waste away
And I feel like I can't stop that
Better yet
Why should I?
Because it makes me think more about death and suicide that my body is also giving in?
I think
That was always the plan
To put my body into a state that I felt
And to force myself
To either
A. Persevere and get stronger
Or
B. Give up and die
And the sad thing is
I've been leaning towards B
I always have.
My only regret
Or perhaps my only thing
I'm thankful for
Is that
I'm needed for now
By those two girls in my life
Where I'm the only one
That's there for them
=/
Everyone else.
Can
Move
On

Look Alive

Even when your down
"just smile and look alive"

I think
I see it now
Everyone is heading towards their respective futures
Everyone knows what they want to do
And
I don't
There's nothing realistic in life that I want to do

The future will be interesting.

"DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF" - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades - The Brand New

Melodrama?

i am way to melodramatic.
but,
at least it makes life interesting.

I learned how to blog through text so...
Idk.
Its late
I lost an hour
So I'm fucked...
But I'm being good about it
And am laying down
Practicing guitar
With just my candle lighting the room.
This is where I feel at home...

I decided I don't want to change.
I realize staying how I am is completely self destructive and it will kill me.
But I don't want to be any different.
I am who I am. the end
And I also realized
That as long as I bleed, because I choose to I won't grow up.
At least.
I hope so..

I guess in the end
I just wish
Someone could understand
What it feels like
To love everyone
Even those you haven't met
yet to not even care about yourself
At all..

Btw.
I'm in love with Avril Lavigne.
"it doesn't really matter how I feel inside, this life is like a game sometimes" - Naked - Avril Lavigne

Magic.

Ya.

so i haven't blogged in like 99999999974654874656565656565656565656565145465213216579846521210321654345345345434523476457876853451321657986541908573490 seconds because i haven't had internet, not for an other reason. i would of blogged otherwise but oh well, i can now that im at my mothers office.
hmmm.
life is alright
sure all the same old issues are there
but still
i don't mind it to much.
i don't have internet and i dont really have t.v
but its given me more time to practice guitar
so im glad i dont have these things.
oh well
im gone