Decisions

Here I am right now, on the couch of this lovely apartment that I am currently residing in, thinking about what I need to do in order to reach a certain type of equilibrium in my life.

Alex is something that I no longer have the ability to deal with. I can't deal with his constant baiting me into arguments, or his "I know what's best for you" attitude.
True or not, I can't deal with his constant reminder that I'm hurting everyone around me with every decision that I make.

I am 19 years old.
I am not supposed to know what I want to do with my life.
But I am doing my best.
I am taking time to figure everything out.
I'm getting over old fears.
I am working on making my life better.
I am legitimately starting to be happy with my life, and that began even before Jackie reappeared.

Alex is important to me, but I realized something, I don't love who he is, I love who he used to be.
My memory of him and the times we shared is what makes me care about him.

Now, me being me, I can't bring myself to just kick him out, it's borderline impossible for me to even think about how that situation would pan out.
And that's what makes this all the more difficult for me. I can't bring myself to kick him out when he has nothing.

His court-date is in November, after that is over, his situation will be different, we'll see where we go from there.

But for now, I want as little interaction with him as possible.

With Love And Squalor,
Kevin