Believers Never Die.

neither will i.

it's not fair.

not to any of you.
i love each of you individually.
but i resent everyone.
for not being able to show me love.
im always told everything.
but never shown.
i can't feel words.
it's my downfall.
"your my bestfriend"
is meaningless.
"i hate you"
is meaningless
"i love you"
meaningless.

i'm so apathetic in my resent though.
i'll never truely care - my downfall.

i came close to death.
i realized.
i need to list reasons why.

i cant act any longer...
so i'm stuck with words.
which seem to be all i got
it sucks so much to be stuck,
Meaningless.

but this is bestfriendforever love.

i sacrifice.
myself.
way to much.
why?
i don't want anything in return
i suffer.
to help others.
i need.
to stop.
i can't.
nobody.
truely.
understands.
i just wish.
i never became attached.
to anything.
so i wouldnt.
have to be in pain...
you might think..
i could stop.
and walk away now.
from anyone.
i can't...
:'(

I Just Got Back.

from emilys.
i got to spend 40 minutes with her.
outside in the cold.
wishing her a happy birthday.
the moment i saw her...

heart pounds,
head spining,
happiness gained.

the playful conversations.
the hugs.
the laughter.
everything.
and
everything.


so much for falling out of love.

I Hate.

when teachers point out the fact that im intelligent.
yet the only reason im failing is because i don't do work at home.
it annoys me.
because they tell my mother.
and then i have to deal with like 50 different types of guilt.
that i convert into self loathing.
and i still do not change on the subject.
i just don't do work.
if i fail, then i accept that.
it's my own damn problem.
that i understand.
stop trying to manipulate me into being someone im not.

Never.

Never have i (ever) been so scared of
moving on.

and if anyone.
tells me.
they are proud of me because of it.
i'll hate you

water.

i'm chained.
restrained
it's a feeling i hate.
needing others for myself to grow.
normally i'd say it isn't bad.
but as alone as i get.
i begin to fade away.

i'm locked in a cycle that i can't yet break through.
but soon i'll fade away so much the chains won't fit anymore



i've been broken constantly throughout life.
it's what happens
yet i'll move on.
i'm changing again.
i can feel it deep inside of me.
inside,
my soul it's
spiralling, spinning, whirling out of control.
and i'm not one to stop it.

Never Will I Stop Change.

I'M MOVING TO THE COUNTRY AND EAT ALOT OF PEACHES!!!!!!!

i love this song now.
where have random 90s bands been all my life?

anyway.
life is weird.
i accept it.
and hate it.
but mostly i love it.

I'm So Bitter I Can Taste IT!

do you know what i realized.

i play the part of the guy/friend who will never leave and will always be there for them.

in basically all of my friendships.

but do you know what i realized?

that i'm gonna do just that.
not leave.

but then they won't stick around.

Great.
Life Sucks Then I Die.

I Hate Myself And Want To Die.

everyday is wasted.
i sleep over 12 hours each day.
i can't help it.

school is the only period of time i'm actually awake.
so sorry if it seems like im ignoring you.
im just sleeping.
for no reason at all.
i apologize.

To Many Things No One Would Understand.

i like.
electricity.
why?
because it's chaos.
i love the feel of it crawling through my skin.
when it glances my finger tips through my body and down to the ground.
plus.
it's soothing to stare at.
even if it's restrained at the time.
and how so much i want to let it free...

i wish i wasn't in a life like this.
one that seems to be like an alternative reality game.
i wish it was more like a rpg.
i hope my consciousness breaks the mold.
i hope to end up in a different type of reality once i die.

i don't need to "wake up"
i just need to be dreaming a different dream.

i like that.
alot.

i find the darkness appealing.
i find light boring.
i wish i could live at night only.
and sleep during the day.
the night offers comfort.
but the day offers people.
the night offers excitment.
while the day offers routine.
it bothers me so much.
i like to hide.
it's who i am.
yet im forced to reveal myself in the light.
ihateitihateitihateit.

no one else can relate.
i hate it when that happens.
i wish people could understand what i meant.
when i said i felt what i heard.
i can't describe it...

and i don't understand your need to explain everything.
i play yugioh because its there.
and the fact that im a teen has nothing to do with anything about it.
why do you have to analyze everything to the point where theres no room for any freeway.
you'll just end up struggling even more because of it.
things are meant to be free and unrestricted.
stop shoving them into a box.
your pissing me off.

silence.
is more appreciated then ever.
lately.
i've been enjoying the silence whenever i can.
i only listen to music to drown out noise.
but when theres no noise.
i turn off my ipod,
my music,
and i listen to nothing.

lastly.
im worried.
i can't explain why.
or what.
but im worried about you.
be careful.
<3.

p.s.
i found a song.
and i love it.
its weird.
because.
i feel.
as though.
i can.
relate to the guitar.
and how it is.
idk.
i love it.

M4 Part 2 (Faunts) - Jack Wall and Sam Hulick
it's the credits theme to Mass Effect...