i really just don't know anymore.
i hate to be loved.
i can't express happiness when someone says anything along those lines.
i love to be hated.
it's true but its also not true.
i don't understand my fucking stance on anything anymore.
really i think i can just pass by anything with a "whatever"
and truely not ever care about what i'm missing.
and i don't have a problem with sleeping life away.
i wake up feeling miserable.
so i just sleep to stop that feeling.
i think that makes me weak.
i think i am really weak.
just no one notices that.
they all just think "oh Kevin, will be okay"
or something stupid like that.
i don't really think i'll ever be okay.
but maybe i don't really even know how i am.
or who i am.
or whatever the fuck exists where i am supposed to exist.
whatever fuck it.
i cease to care.
whatever.
i never truely cared anyway.
or maybe im just lying to myself.
i love how i never know what i really mean.
and i just attach a meaning to what i do afterwards.
i think that defines me more then anything.
cause i never give a fuck about the ending.
i let chaos take a hold of me.
and follow it til the end.
"Pain is the only thing I feel
Scars all I see"
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