I fucked up in more ways than one, by this point it's a recurring theme in my life. I make everything good in my life come with a price of misery, it's just how it always turns out.
I'm dropping out of my social life and more importantly my life at home.
Because that, is something that I can absolutely not deal with right now.
I just need time to think, that's really it.
I need time away from my roommates; from Alex and his insanity, and from Cailie as well.
Not because I don't love them, I just can't look/think of Cailie without feeling like the biggest fuck up in the world right now. And Alex with his constant "I know what's best for you." attitude.
I just can't deal with any of that right now.
I need time away from Jacqueline and my feelings for her.
I need time away from my friends, from the people who help me get through life.
This is something I need to get through myself.
I wish that I could just drive away and leave with someone, anyone, but doesn't everyone want that at some point in their life? but, I don't have that person, and I don't think I'd be able to go through with it anyway.
Manchester is my home and I am here.
But isn't this still running away?
yeah I guess it is, but there's no other way I can deal with this right now.
I will attempt to work everything out in my head, but I can't face anyone right now.
I really can't.
But trust me, even through the mental torture that I'm going to be putting myself through,
I will be okay.
With Love And Squalor,
Kevin
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