Thursday, March 25, 2010

Boredom Is Only Slightly Curable.

More times then not
I lose interest in most things
For a long while
And I can't seem to figure out what to do
So?
I just lay there
Where?
It varies.
Currently on the ground in my room.
Letting boredom swallow me whole.
Wasting away for awhile
Why?
Because boredom is permanent
Its always there
So in some radical thought
Why hate it?
Just sometimes we think
"oh, I could do this"
And if we do that
Boom
Boredom solved....for a moment
Yet if you choose not to do that
Then your stuck where you are
And curing boredom comes attached to finding the motivation too.
Its like a math problem I'm to tired to figure out
That involves boredom over motivation equals something or another
Or maybe not.
Solving boredom is the number 1 and possibly only important question that a child constantly tries to figure out.
Do they care about other things like food?
Yes they do
But more often then not
They just want something to do.
To end the boredom.
Thus their life is a continuous problem of getting the motivation to conquer their boredom.
And I believe this quality is what makes a child pure.
Because the answer to the problem of boredom must come from without, while appearing to come from within.

And in the end
"it may not be enough to WANT to end the boredom to bring it to an end"

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I am ghost. Forever.

"Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...

Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...
Soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you. I am Ghost...

Isn't this what you dreamed about?
Isn't this what you dreamed about?
One more taste from our lips and tongue;
We kissed.
Delicately sketched the seconds,
As they fly past.
Like snowflakes of lost bliss,
They drift like memories.
Isn't this what you dreamed about?
What you dreamed about?
What you wanted?"

Game.

Lifes a game
So take a chance
Roll the dice
Make a bet
Gamble on it if you want
You can break the rules
Cheat, hustle, and all.
Just remember.
Its just your game.
Not theirs.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Motives

Nobody understands why I do and say things 90% of the time
And honestly I don't either
I get people to feel.
Whether for good or bad
Idk
I just like getting emotions out
Why?
I have no idea

When I'm losing someone
I always push them away
Everytime
Why?
No idea
I did it with katie, kyle, taylor, ian, and now brandon...
I'm a great f**king friend alright
And yet
Idk I'm never sad until much later
And then I break down and cry.
And in the end
I just don't know

Desire

"One has desires in order to forget them and thus grow into the future rather than merely repeat ones past."

Arguments and Friends

I get into arguments with everyone
A lot.
Mostly about taking care of myself.
And its true I don't
I don't see a reason to
I don't care for my well being
I think its some sick way of getting back at the people I live for
And I also think that there will come a day
Where it gets so pathetic that people won't be able to stand watching it anymore
And they'll leave
And I don't blame them
And maybe that's what I want to happen
Or maybe I'm just saying I want it to happen so people won't do it
Idk
I just hope they understand when I say
I won't change my ways for any of you.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Sleep

*waves pocket watch in a hypnotizing motion*
Sleep is sleep
An internal hallucination
More like life than nothing
Sleep is when we dream
Dreaming is when this gets complicated.
What qualifys a dream to be a dream?
Maybe we are the dream
Maybe kevin kelley is the dream.
Maybe I'm really what I dreamt I was last time I fell asleep
Or maybe more importantly all of these are the dreams of one singular consciousness that's not me
But not, not me.
More then me actually.
I'm just a piece of who I am
And when I dream
I take form of all the other pieces of collective me
And I think its vice versa too.
I think I'm never myself
I think the pieces of the collective me shift between the other pieces of me at random.

I believe
In waking up,
Yet
I'm not sure,
If
I want to.

Tears of Logical Hate.

a slight overcast of patheticness that lies inside the raining tears of sadness when they realize what is and what isn't and can not be as defined by logic.
=/

:'(
I.L.A.T.E?

LoveFuryPassionEnergy

"so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my passion, so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my love, so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my pure energy, so fuck your rules man, cause here comes my FURY!"
- Lovefurypassionenergy by Boy Hits Car.

Love everything
Have Fury towards everything
Be Passionate towards what you want
And have Energy to spare.

Living is cold.
Death might bring some heat.
Or maybe,
You will.

Btw.
What's real to you
Is just perfect
And what's real to me
Is nothing

And lastly begins in threes.
And here's some tea.

"what does a raven have in common with a writing desk?"

Sunday, March 21, 2010

All Forms Of Screaming

Makes me happy.
The end:).

A bomb is just a means to an end

When most people
Think of the future
What do they think of?
What do they see?
Cause when I think about the future
The only future that I can see
Is a future without
Me.

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Fake Sound Of Progress

That describes my life/personality.
Anywho.
I refuse to fill the hole forming in your soul
Let someone else
I'd suffocate.
Also
I really wish life would go away
Its annoying.
All I know
is that if I had one wish
It would be to ride a yoshi.
K? K.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Let it bleed

I might wanna sing

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Losing Grip

I think
One thing that people never realize
is that
I've always been suicidal
Since
I was like 4
I remember when I was really young
Putting a knife to my chest wanting to stab myself through my chest
And since idk when
I just stopped caring about myself
And that's what's getting back to me now
With my chronic back/shoulder pains
I never got any calcium cause I just didn't care to treat my body right
My teeth are begining to brittle away to
why?
Cause I drink to much acidic drinks and I hardly brush my teeth cause I just never cared.
What's gonna happen in 10 years?
I honestly don't know
What I do know
Is my shoulder will hurt
And my teeth will waste away
And I feel like I can't stop that
Better yet
Why should I?
Because it makes me think more about death and suicide that my body is also giving in?
I think
That was always the plan
To put my body into a state that I felt
And to force myself
To either
A. Persevere and get stronger
Or
B. Give up and die
And the sad thing is
I've been leaning towards B
I always have.
My only regret
Or perhaps my only thing
I'm thankful for
Is that
I'm needed for now
By those two girls in my life
Where I'm the only one
That's there for them
=/
Everyone else.
Can
Move
On

Look Alive

Even when your down
"just smile and look alive"

Monday, March 15, 2010

I think
I see it now
Everyone is heading towards their respective futures
Everyone knows what they want to do
And
I don't
There's nothing realistic in life that I want to do

The future will be interesting.

"DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF" - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades - The Brand New

Melodrama?

i am way to melodramatic.
but,
at least it makes life interesting.
I learned how to blog through text so...
Idk.
Its late
I lost an hour
So I'm fucked...
But I'm being good about it
And am laying down
Practicing guitar
With just my candle lighting the room.
This is where I feel at home...


I decided I don't want to change.
I realize staying how I am is completely self destructive and it will kill me.
But I don't want to be any different.
I am who I am. the end
And I also realized
That as long as I bleed, because I choose to I won't grow up.
At least.
I hope so..

I guess in the end
I just wish
Someone could understand
What it feels like
To love everyone
Even those you haven't met
yet to not even care about yourself
At all..

Btw.
I'm in love with Avril Lavigne.
"it doesn't really matter how I feel inside, this life is like a game sometimes" - Naked - Avril Lavigne

Magic.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Ya.

so i haven't blogged in like 99999999974654874656565656565656565656565145465213216579846521210321654345345345434523476457876853451321657986541908573490 seconds because i haven't had internet, not for an other reason. i would of blogged otherwise but oh well, i can now that im at my mothers office.
hmmm.
life is alright
sure all the same old issues are there
but still
i don't mind it to much.
i don't have internet and i dont really have t.v
but its given me more time to practice guitar
so im glad i dont have these things.
oh well
im gone