Sometimes

I use blankets as pillows
and pillows as blankets.

A Possible Answer

I have an issue where I believe anger is socially unacceptable,
and I taught myself to not get angry at basically anything because I used to get angry a lot,
in the way where I would lash out at anything near me,
but deep inside me,
I feel like one day I'm going to explode like I used to when I was younger,
which scares me,
which makes me believe I have to be in 100% mental control of my emotions,
which makes me anxious,
which makes me feel overwhelmed easily,
which is the reason it's so hard for me to find the effort to do anything,
which is why i'm basically sucking at life right now.

also,
this explains my affinity for those moments in movies and tv shows and animes,
where the characters go full on rage and freak the fuck out,
and use their anger/passion in order to win against whatever their fighting,
because that's what I used to do...
also,
That might be why I like werewolves,
because I feel like I can relate to the inner struggle of containing something inside of you.

that is all.

Troubled.

Just because college is easy, doesn't mean I'm prepared for it.

Also, i'm not you.

I'm Getting Better

But its in small steps.

my scars are fading and that depresses me.

old feelings never die.

i'm not fair to myself.
the moment I talk to you again.
I want you more than anything.

Empathy

I'm about 90% i'm an empath if you believe in that kind of thing,
also it's the only reason that i'm in anywhere near a good person.
If you don't believe that kind of thing, then just go with me being extremely overly empathetic.

selfish.

I think you should move on from me.
Cause I keep disappointing you.
I'm hurting us both.

I haven't slept in about 20 hours, i'm on 3 hours of sleep, i'm drifting.

Hello Me

it's nice meeting the new you,
knowing that one day,
you'll no longer be relevant.

Past Lives

so rereading my blog.
lots of questionable things I used to be.
but mainly,
where the hell did all that emotion go?
did I literally "cut it out" like I so stereotypically used to say?
did I just grow stoic with age?
I want that emotion back, at least some of it.
because i've lost my ability to convey emotion, at sure as hell can't convey it on the level I used too.
I wonder how I go about doing that.

Charisma.

Time to convince my way back into school.

Who am I kidding,

I don't think ill ever get over you.

Or at least the idea of you.

also.
I retroactively give special meaning to everything in my life.
Especially things that don't truly matter.
I guess I just want to make sense of things.
How lame.

They Grow Up So Fast.

that time in life, where your little cousin starts getting into the things that you lost friends over.

sappy.

somedays, i feel lonely.
and then, i'm okay.