i don't think they understand.

when i say i wish i was sad forever.

I Remember

      I remember seeing the atom bombs fall. The horror of the war brought home to us in a 20 ton casket-making shell. It seemed so far away, but it was the closest thing to God i have ever laid eyes on. It's descent from the sky seemed to last in years, but really passed in seconds.
      I began to hate gravity with a passion. How could it let this happen? How could it allow millions of people to die? Grimacing with few seconds left i whispered, "Fuck gravity"... and in a flash, everything went black.
      I woke up in the middle of the street to thousands of screaming voices all saying the same thing, "How could this happen to us". Barely remembering what happened, I jumped to my feet, trying to evaluate the destruction left in the devils wake.
      New York City was gone, no longer could I see the city that touched the sky. Maybe that was their punishment, maybe they got to close to God... but in the end it didn't matter, New York had been destroyed, turned into a crater by the creation of mankind. It was difficult to imagine that this was our fault, that we created such a weapon. Taking one last glance at the crater left behind, i walked away.
      Then... i started to feel sick....

----------
yep, that's how i'm ending it for now.
deal with it.

I began to love your goodbyes
when you walked out that door.

Physics.

i'll be the one who defies gravity.

Say It All.

while my voice is dying
the revolution is on the edge of it's seat.

i feel like dying.

sick.
throwing up.
exhausted.
can't sleep.
i feel like dying.
hold me...

ence ence ence ence.

Strobe Light Dance Parties.
are the best parties.
hands down.

I had the best dream ever.
Sci-fi Adventure with Christopher Lambert.
Hell yes.

Save Face

If I were to die I'd like something out of my control to end my life.

Give Me Back My Sins.

i've lost something along the way.

Huh.

I wonder
If anyone has gotten aids from a razorblade....

"your stuck in my head like a pop song"
story of my life.

And if the world was ending.
I'd fall asleep

Pathetic

Some days. i wish i could get out of bed with a smile on my face.
Some days. i wish i could fall asleep with a smile on my face.
Some days. i wish i wouldn't lie around doing nothing.
Some days. i wish i had the energy to be productive.
Some days. i wish i could take care of myself.
Some days. i wish i wasn't always sad.
Other days. i give up.

For now. i'll just listen to "I Remember"
and think about everything.

"Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the time that you know
You don't have to move on to let go

Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go

Remember turning on the the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through"

also.
i filled out an application.