Kill The Lights

I'm afraid to be seen in the light.
I'm not safe there.

LIES.

NO ONE READS THIS ANYMORE.
but oh well.
i have written 3 papers today.
and i am done.
i pretty much hate my life right now.
because i completely wasted my day on papers that don't matter.
but who the hell cares.
i am going to sleep.
so fuck you. <3

Breathe In For Luck.

i like to think that i can be lucky.
because being lucky isn't arrogant.
so i feel like it takes the blame off of me.
because i know what it feels like to lose.
so whenever i win.
all i can think about is how someone else loss.
that's why i don't like competing.

also.
i love change.
but only when i initiate it.

No Phone.

part of me enjoys not being able to talk to anyone.
i don't have to be involved with them.
part of it is a relief.
like i'm less stressed out.
but also it's more stressed out.
because i'm alone.
and nothing good comes from that.

i don't think they understand.

when i say i wish i was sad forever.

I Remember

      I remember seeing the atom bombs fall. The horror of the war brought home to us in a 20 ton casket-making shell. It seemed so far away, but it was the closest thing to God i have ever laid eyes on. It's descent from the sky seemed to last in years, but really passed in seconds.
      I began to hate gravity with a passion. How could it let this happen? How could it allow millions of people to die? Grimacing with few seconds left i whispered, "Fuck gravity"... and in a flash, everything went black.
      I woke up in the middle of the street to thousands of screaming voices all saying the same thing, "How could this happen to us". Barely remembering what happened, I jumped to my feet, trying to evaluate the destruction left in the devils wake.
      New York City was gone, no longer could I see the city that touched the sky. Maybe that was their punishment, maybe they got to close to God... but in the end it didn't matter, New York had been destroyed, turned into a crater by the creation of mankind. It was difficult to imagine that this was our fault, that we created such a weapon. Taking one last glance at the crater left behind, i walked away.
      Then... i started to feel sick....

----------
yep, that's how i'm ending it for now.
deal with it.

I began to love your goodbyes
when you walked out that door.